The popular Japanese magazine Women SPA! shared an article
about the difficulties otaku women in Japan go through in getting a boyfriend
and, eventually, a husband. According to
the article, the main problem is that these women have an extreme fear of
rejection and prefer to postpone finding a partner until it is too late.
The article presents a testimony from Ai Tanaka (田中亜依), a marriage counselor ,
who claims to have gotten married after dating more than 600 men over a period
of ten years, spending more than 7 million yen (more than 45 thousand dollars)
in dating services. Now, she has supported over 1000 men and women in
their relationships each year, specifically in serious marriage experiences.
Although there are women who actively participate in
marital activities because they want to get married right away , there are also women who “don't really want
to get married, but would like to get married if there is a good person
around . ” That's where “ Sachiko ” (false
name to cover the identity of the real person) comes in, a 43-year-old woman,
a company employee who has never participated in a matchmaking service .
She finally braved up and signed up for a marriage dating agency, but her
activities have not progressed much, which caught the attention of the
consultancy.
“ Sachiko ” has not always been
interested in romance and has never been invited out for a drink, so the last
time she had a boyfriend was when she was a university student. However, she
said that she wanted to get married because she wanted to have children and
that she had recently signed up for a dating agency . « “I
signed up about three weeks ago, but I still haven't officially requested a
session with any man interested in me. I have a job and have found it
difficult to find time to dedicate myself to these activities. I am tired when
I go back to work during the week and I want to relax on the weekends, so I
don't feel like engaging in marital activities », She declared.
However, when the consultancy reviewed his file, it turns
out that he does have time to do the things he likes, such as going to anime
events, his biggest hobby. For the same
reason, suspicion was raised about his attitude of wanting to get married but
not making any effort to look for a partner. « Somehow, I feel that
even if I ask for it, it won't work anyway. Maybe I don't want to see the
reality of being rejected by a man ,” “Sachiko” admitted.
It is true that as you progress in your marital pursuits,
you may face the reality that your partner may say 'no' or that it is difficult
to find a good partner. It's easy to maintain the status quo because
you're afraid to look at reality, like “Sachiko,” and you can find any number
of reasons not to take action.
Some people think that if they sign up for a marriage
agency, they will meet someone and get married right away, but this may be an
illusion. Using a cooking analogy, simply purchasing ingredients
doesn't result in a finished product, right? The dish is only complete
when the ingredients are chopped and sautéed. Likewise, you cannot get
married simply by registering with a marriage agency.
If you really want to get married, what should you
do? “Sachiko” herself knows this better than anyone. If she continues
to deviate from reality, her current situation will not change in a few years. Maybe
then she is older and is in a more difficult situation in her married life.
When this was told to Sachiko, she declared: " I
don't want that. I don't want to die alone », And she got emotional. If you can convert that emotion into energy for your
married life, your married life will surely progress. However, the question is
how long you can sustain that emotion. If you go back to your usual
cozy life and don't think about the future again, your enthusiasm will wane and
you will lose the energy to continue with your marital activities.
« There are many “Sachiko” in Japan. There are
people who want to get married but unconsciously cannot continue with their
marital activities for fear of experiencing a reality that they do not want to
see or a feeling that they do not want to feel. However, that
won't help you at all. If you really want to get married, I think the most
effective way is to challenge yourself, so it's not a bad idea to stimulate
your daily life by challenging yourself with marital activities », the
article concludes.
Source: WomenSPA!
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